dream machine

"come right up!"

the man in the cherry-colored suit that was ill-fitting on his full frame clapped two large hands together, his face creased and lined from years of smiles and laughter...the two bushy eyebrows wiggled over brown eyes so dark they appeared almost black...bits of spittle sprayed from his mouth as he called out to the few passers-by that lingered in the rain...the years had not been kind to the cherry suit that surely had once been made from the finest cloth...where cloth-covered buttons had lined along the center of the suit were now replaced by pale bone-colored circles of some unknown material...the white silk shirt was now darkened to a pale yellow and covred with many stains...yet, his smile remained unchanged after all his years with the carnival...his was a simple life and a pleasant one...he welcomed the everyday monotony for it was a welcome prediction in an otherwise topsy-turvy career...the children were always children...every town had them...they were always amazed by his Dream Machine...the would crowd aroun him...they never saw the holes in his shoes or the frayed ends of his jacket...they saw the world that he would create for them through his words...his was truly a remarkable life...

i remember as a child listening to him call out to us to see his Dream Machine...my neck ached as i peered up at him through the thick plastic lenses of my brand new baby pink glasses...the Dream Machine would make you feel like you were actually walking in a dream...it could read your thoughts and offer you the most amazing dream in the world...i took the pile of change that i had saved up and stuffed in my faded denim pockets...

the colored metal pieces clicked against one another as i counted out the fare into his outstretched hands...

i stepped into the dark box that was the opening, the door had long ago been ripped off its hinges...at first i saw nothing, heard nothing, felt nothing...a swirl of lights blinded me...a burst of cold air nearly swept me off my feet...the floor moved beneath my feet and i fell forward and sideways...i retched, the sounds of my spewing splattering on the floor and my feet...

when the world finally stopped moving i was quiet and calm...i had no expectations...what dreams would this amazing machine show me?...

but all that happened was a dim overhead light flashing above my head lighting up the way to a door marked EXIT...

as i walked home with my puke-scented sneakers i thought about my experience in the Dream Machine...perhaps it had worked...and my walk home and life ever after would be the dream...

or perhaps it was just an old man with a rotating floor and flashing lights...

sometimes when i go to sleep i think about that Dream Machine...i close my eyes and let myself fall into the dream...the machine that keeps up the hope and belief of a different life...even now i can feel my eyelids flutter as my lashes rest against one another...slipping away into the dark abyss..

cg

beatles and letters

i am sitting here on my floor, listening to your old beatles albums (you certainly did have an amazing collection - even though it looks like half of them are mysteriously "gone") and reading the letters you sent her...you loved her so very much...so very very much...

ironic that there was a letter in the box dated exactly thirty six years ago today...you were so young and hopeful...you believed so much in that love...what happens to love when time goes by?...does it, in fact, wither away and die?...does it break under the pressures of reality?...or did it never really exist at all....simply an escape from an otherwise dreary world of war and small town stagnancy...

i smelled your shirts today...they still smell like you...but one day i know that smell will be gone...i took some of your cologne and i put it on your shirt so i could smell you...perhaps you are the reason why i love a good, strong manly smell!...

i miss you talking in circles and never making sense...i miss you making me crazy with our late night talks when you would come home from work late at night...i miss how you used to rub my head at night while i was sleeping after you came home from work...

you used to tell me how proud you were of me...how much you loved my strength...how much you respected my determination...

i know tomorrow i will be happy and fine...life goes on...but for tonight...as i listen to the beatles and read your letters...i am going to cry....because i can...

cg

mental exercises

the brain, like any other part of the human body which sits unused or unnoticed, tends to grow comfortable and enjoys that warm body feeling...like that person you work with who never really seems to accomplish anything of significance and yet never appears in danger of losing his/her job but fills some kind of void at work that would otherwise be filled with an even bigger nuisance so you just tolerate it while thinking "what an idiot!"...

anyhow...with a little stimulation the brain either revolts "quick! dont listen! look at the pretty flowers....aww...look at those two people kissing...you know you want to fuck him/her"...the brain is a sneaky thing...but, if your brain doesnt revolt, it usually plays possum..."if i sit here vewwy, vewwy, quietwy, they wont know i am awound"...that is when you have those brain farts and, while you know you have a functional brain, it slips through your fingers like empty capsules...and pretty soon you are in that zone of pointless thoughts...

the only way i have figured out how to fight back is a virtual onslaught of constant information...it thinks it is sooo smart...but when i throw a million things into my noggin it cant cope...it cant pretend and hide or stamp its feet down and say "no, i wont!"...it has no choice but to do the things i command it to do...

of course, that is when it may choose to do them not so well...but hey, i got it to stop whining and start working, didnt i?

cg

rah, rah! go, team, go!

teamwork is perhaps one of the most misleading words in the workplace...it implies the idea that everyone is working together toward a common goal...the reality of teamwork is that we do not expect them to have common goals...we just want them to play nicely and use nice words with each other...

we want them to be happy even when they arent happy because if you have a frown then that automatically means you arent a member of the team...

we want them to say "hi!" and "how are you?!?" to every person they say because if not it means they do not like someone and that means you arent a member of the team....

we want them to share all their thoughts and ideas and not be competitive because then that means you only care about yourself and you arent a member of the team...

we want them to be supportive and sympathetic because if you dont you arent a member of the team...

and if you arent a member of the team then you will be told to find another team to play on...

so, um, could someone tell me where that team is so that i can send them a few players??

cg

the readiness of chivalry

opening the door for a woman used to be something so commonplace...now it has become something cautious and hesitant...something that does not reflect a proper upbringing...women, in their fierce drive for indepence have seen fit to squelch this from a man's repertoire of skills...the two-year-old's mantra of "i can do it!" comes to mind....


in their joy to fly they have unknowingly stripped bits and pieces from the wings of man...feminists around the world, strike me now!...seriously, over the course of the last 100 years has the shape of man shifted and turned...the trappings of man are not what they once were...the ocean of women has thrashed upon the beaches of men whereupon they are left gasping for air wondering "what the hell did i do wrong?"


women become insulted when men open doors for them...the road to equality has been paved over the path to manhood...perhaps i am being a bit dramatic...with reason, though...while women have gained tremendous ground, men have become less...well, "manly" and become more, well..."womanly"....they do everything to their bodies that women do...there is very little that separates the men from the women anymore these days...

the readiness of chivalry, it seems, has succumbed to the whim of the woman...

cg